BS Cold Email Solicitors

I get a fair amount of cold email solicitations. This line was so tortured I copy/pasted it into my notes as a “what never to do” lesson. The quote of choice:

I’m eager to get your advice on your website.

Ick. When I read this I hear, 

I’m eager to tell you all the ways I can fix your website. 

What might work better:

I help (people like you) do (some specific detail). I saw (specific example) on your website and can’t help but think how much more (statistic) could be improved if you do this (example) instead. I have some other examples too if you’d be willing to give me 5 minutes to explain. No strings attached. If you want to hire me after that – great, and if not, you’ll have some free ideas to implement yourself.