Esther Perel’s (Gangster) Confidence Definition

I was trying to hang something on the wall this weekend. After not getting the screw holes exactly lined up for the fifteenth time, I finally said “screw these screws,” laughed at the horribleness of my joke, and used some wall-friendly Velcro strips instead.

There’s nothing like being confident enough to try, fail, and still finish a job.

Professionally, we want to think of confidence as a learned skill. We have to start and finish a job to get it. Now, some people are talented and do things right on the first try. But that just means they get to confidence faster. For the rest of us, confidence is only going to come from practice, patience, and persistence.

Esther Perel probably has my favorite definition of the word. Here’s how she told it to Scott Galloway,

Confidence is your ability to see yourself as a flawed individual and still hold yourself in high regard.

With the practice, patience, and persistence, comes the necessity that we still see ourselves in high regard. That can be hard. It means we have to see ourselves as the type of person who shows up even when they don’t know the answer, or even when they don’t know how to hang the stupid thing on the wall, and yet still finds a way.

Flawed, but in high regard. Maintain the mindset. Do the work. Be confident. And, screw those screws.

Thanks, Esther.

Listen to Esther Perel’s interview with Scott Galloway on the Prof G show, “Eros, Self-Awareness, And Being A Good Partner – With Esther Perel.”

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