Grow Your Network: Matthew Stafford Is A Default Helper

here's how and why to connect with Matthew

Author

Matt Zeigler
April 04, 2025

I've been meeting interesting people and taking notes on what they do/how they might help my clients, and me, for years. It used to all be in private. Now it's (almost) all in public.

The most common comments I get are "How do you know all of these people" and "How do you put all these ideas together?" It’s as simple as it is obvious: I've spent years cultivating meaningful connections and documenting insights that create real value. Trusting my gut, and noticing my own reflections long enough to write them down, are my north star.

My Personal Archive is right here on CultishCreative.com. You can also watch/listen to me building a better Personal Network on the Cultish Creative YouTube channel, and follow my updates on LinkedIn and X.

This approach has helped dozens of clients strengthen their networks and unlock new opportunities. If you want similar results, you can:

I can't promise you'll learn anything from me, but I can promise you'll learn something with me. Let's dive in.

Do you know Matthew Stafford? Founder of 9others (“Nine Others”), networking maestro, venture capital enthusiast, and the Bridgerton of British venture capital (not for the romance or status, but for the Shondaland level of commitment to quality)?

If not, allow me to introduce you. Matthew has been running 9others for over 13 years - a monthly dinner that brings together people who understand that "your success requires the aid of others." I wanted to connect with him again because he embodies something I value deeply - being "default helpful" and creating spaces where authentic connections can flourish.

Our conversation is LIVE now on the Cultish Creative YouTube channel. Listen and you'll also get an extra revealing peek into how he thinks about everything from networking to grief to the beauty of trusting your gut.

In the meantime, I wanted to pull 3 key lessons from my time with Matthew to share with you (and drop into my Personal Archive).

Read on and you'll find a quote with a lesson and a reflection you can Take to work with you, Bring home with you, and Leave behind with your legacy.

WORK: Be Default Helpful

"You should be, in my view in business and, working with people, you should be default helpful. From the beginning, give people the benefit of the doubt and be a default helper."

-Matthew Stafford, Cultish Creative YouTube

Key Concept: The most sustainable approach to building relationships is to lead with generosity without expectation. Being default helpful means you'll occasionally get burned, but the long-term benefits far outweigh the costs.

Personal Archive Note-To-Self: My wife likes to ask me how much of my job is just checking in with and checking up on people. I don’t have a percentage, but it’s a lot of it. If you have a habit of regularly seeing what you might be able to help with, or just making yourself available to be useful, all sorts of good things happen. Whether it’s contributing to a project at work, or embodying what I like to call “garden glove service” with clients (I will always get my hands dirty in the name of growth), this is the default setting to getting more done.

The anti-example here is to watch out for default-non-helpers. Some people want to avoid work, or avoid contact altogether and - it’s fine, but you can just steer around them. Some people are happy to skip out. I am happy to skip regularly engaging with them too (I’m still totally pleasant, but when people don’t want to help each other let alone themselves, I make a mental note).

Work question for you: Where in your professional life are you holding back from being "default helpful" because you're afraid of being taken advantage of?

LIFE: Cross The Street

"My parents always used to say, if someone's having a tough time, if they're bereaved, if there's difficulties, if there's whatever, you gotta cross the street and you gotta go talk to them. And they said, that a lot of people will scurry the other way."

-Matthew Stafford, Cultish Creative YouTube

Key Concept: The most meaningful connections often come from being willing to step into uncomfortable spaces. When someone is suffering, the simple act of showing up speaks volumes.

Personal Archive Note-To-Self: This "crossing the street" metaphor hit me hard. Crossing the street is like having a genuine follow-up question when the initial response tells you there’s more there but doesn’t quite invite you in. Friends do this. Kids do this. Parents do this. You have to be willling to probe, and it takes effort.

Matthew's parents' wisdom reminds me that growth happens in that uncomfortable journey across the street. You might even find out its fine on the other side, but you have to cross over to face it. That effort speaks volumes. People need to see it.

Life Question For You: What "street" have you been avoiding crossing? Who needs you to show up for them right now, even if you don't know what to say?

LEGACY: Trust Your Gut

"If your gut's telling you that it's often difficult to, if your gut says ‘do it,’ it's often difficult to rationalize and put into words to justify why you should. So I think the more you can get used to listening to those instincts the better. And, especially if it's the hard thing to do - but it's the right thing to do - get on with it." 

-Matthew Stafford, Cultish Creative YouTube

Key Concept: Your intuition often recognizes value before your rational mind can articulate it. Learning to trust that inner compass, especially when it's pointing toward something difficult, is essential for long-term fulfillment.

Personal Archive Note-To-Self: How many of my best logical decisions are rooted in a psychological decision? I am good at talking my gut down. I am good at rationalizing over why “this is fine.” You know what? Sometimes, it’s not fine! Sometimes, all the brainpower in the world is nothing against what your gut is telling you.

So what it’s hard. If your body is sending you a signal, at least notice it. I’m 43 and I’m still learning what to do with that body inbox in my brain. But, I’m trying, because so many of the things I’ve done that I’m proud of started in my gut, and without too much thinking, I could have gotten started on those very very good decisions sooner.

Matthew and 9others is another example too. Yes, they thought it all out, they plotted and planned, but then they made it happen. They trusted their gut to act, to put the ingredients on the stove, and 13 years later it’s still simmering to amazing effect. The psychological path to generating logical seeming advantages - it’s all in this message.

Legacy question for you: What is your gut telling you to do right now that you've been trying to talk yourself out of?

Be sure to:

Take a moment to reflect on all these ideas!

You have a Personal Network and a Personal Archive just waiting for you to build them up stronger. Look at your work, look at your life, and look at your legacy - and then, start small in each category. Today it’s one person and one reflection. Tomorrow? Who knows what connections you’ll create.

Last thing: Don't forget to click here and tell me who you're adding to your network and why! Plus, if you already have your own Personal Archive too, let me know, I'm creating a database.

Don’t forget the time Matthew showed up on Just Press Record with Matt Ackerman:

And, this amazing clip, it doesn’t exist without the genius of Rusty Guinn and Cara Brookins!