Play Long Games With Good People

I got asked, “It seems like you are surrounded by extremely high quality people. I know that’s not by accident. So yes, this is a compliment first, but also - how? I’m curious.”

It came up while another business professional and I were talking company culture, and this was relative to my primary job (at Sunpointe), and I answered with a discussion on why “playing long games with good people” is so important to me.

After the conversation ended, I wrote that sentence down. I haven’t precisely reflected on it here before. This is long overdue.

In that specific talk, I was talking about how many years I knew my now business partner, Ben Tuscai, before we had the chance to start officially collaborating. I simultaneously can believe and can’t believe that out of 10 years of knowing each other we only started working together about 3 years ago.

I long had a sense of wanting for it to happen, but you can’t force things. All you can do is wait for the stars to align. That’s a patient approach. Sometimes it’s painful, and occasionally it’s frustrating. But you rely on the potential and optionality, not the always shifting and uncontrollable opportunity set life hands you.

What the person who was asking me about it sensed but couldn’t have known, is that this lesson has been reinforced in my mind over years now.

I’ve played too long with less-than-good people before. I’ve been burned to various degrees there. But I’ve survived because even in those cases, the length of my game, and the average quality of people I’ve focused on, has been good and better.

You can make an investment philosophy argument there. Or a business one. If you must. I just think it’s a human thing. I completely think it’s a “good life” thing.

First, you figure out what qualities you deem as “good.” It’s fine to write them down, but it’s even better if they’re mostly non-verbal. You should feel them in your gut.

I like to look through my relationship with a person, and at the other relationships they keep in their lives. How they talk about them. How they see themselves fitting in.

You can quickly spot short game people by how they talk about and treat others. You can’t play long games with short game hagglers. I’ve paid dearly for not realizing this sooner in life, but the lessons and how life is now, as much as it sucks, it was worth it.

The sense of “good” shows up across your relationships too. Treat them like fires. You have to keep them alive, because without maintenance they can die out, but with a little focus you can keep them burning for a long time.

And, most of all, since you don’t have infinite bandwidth (I’m imagining my wife reading this and shouting at her screen right now to make sure I get to this point), don’t let yourself get stretched too thin.

You can’t say yes or do “everything.” Put good energy into good things with good people. Be kind to yourself, and others, about how much good effort you have access to. I struggle the most managing my own bandwidth boundary. But knowing it exists and talking about it, especially with someone I implicitly trust, who wants the best for both me and us, is absolutely critical.

When Ben and I met, it was because not one but two mutually known, good people ,introduced us (both long-running Cultish Creative readers and supporters, ahem, hello Justin and Ryan).

They both told me I should know Ben, that someday he was going to be doing amazing work - not with them, but maybe with someone like me. Ben and I connected, I gradually learned more about his wife, family, friends, colleagues, and passions - and the rest took care of itself.

The pattern shows in my relationships with clients and their families. The pattern shows up in how I use my YouTube/podcasts to publicly share my network. The pattern shows up in my professional collaborations, like for Panoptica.ai now (that came out of a long reader, then joint-creative effort with the Epsilon Theory crew, who also plays by these rules).

If you keep a network of good people around you, understanding what deserves your attention and when - that’s the long game aspect, life is pretty remarkable.

ps. I can trace this theme with my wife, my closest friends, my business partners (including me looking for it in their personal lives), and - this is the key to a good life. That’s why I had to write this one down.

pps. These all pair well with my other core “work” philosophies too - “shared values with complimentary skills” (here and here) and “constant, gentle pressure,” aka Salt Shaker Theory.