Sunday Music: Happy Birthday To Me (The Vandals)

I can’t quite remember the first Vandals song I heard. Part of me thinks it was “Pizza Tran” but another part thinks it was “Let The Bad Times Roll.” Either way, it was probably thanks to a comp like Slam Chops or Go Ahead Punk, or maybe a tape from a friend I’ve since forgotten getting. Either way, by 1996 I definitely had multiple albums, a VHS copy of their Sweatin’ to the Oldies show, and was thoroughly amused.

Pretty much a fan for life. At all the levels. I still quote them to myself pretty constantly. “Hey put that on your… toast” IKYKY.

I liked punk rock bands. I loved the ones who really could play their instruments, despite having the energy of punk, and could be awesome without feeling flashy. And, probably most of all, as an immature teenager, I loved the groups whose sense of humor felt like my kind of immature - not the Blink-182 brand of it, but something that felt less... I don't know, calculating. I don’t want my anarchy signs or my band t-shirts to be available in a Hot Topic, you know?

All of this is background for how, presumably in 1996, I picked what would become my official birthday song. It’s on Live Fast, Diarrhea. You’re probably wondering why that live fast, die young poop joke is higher brow than dude ranch but, I can’t tell you. All I can tell you is that for almost 30 years, on every birthday, I’ve played “Happy Birthday to Me” between 1 and 22 times.

I’m picking 22 because it’s a short song and I’m sure it’s gotten stuck on a loop at least 6 times. The kind where you forget it’s even playing but know you’ve lost count.

It’s full of stupidity. I used to marvel about how the song had a line about going to Denny’s. My friends and I would go to Denny’s too, sometimes at least, although we much preferred several divey diners and one particular local Perkins. Denny’s was closest to the mall, so it was the most popular default. The Vandals felt like they could be from our town.

The whole aesthetic still fits me in a way I appreciate now, too. Not in some punker fashion way. In the way they made their logo an upside down anarchy sign, inverting the symbol, somehow echoing what the Dead Kennedys taught me - to point out and laugh at how most people used the symbol. Especially when they paid for an image of it. Turning an A into a V was marketing genius.

In the way their humor was a lot like the proto-Beavis and Butthead dumb talk my friends and I would make with each other. In the way they would take ideas, including political ideologies, to stupid extremes to attempt to better understand them (“Anarchy Burger” is a genius song, I’ll stand by that. My high school band used to love covering it). In the way they had a sweet side too, i.e. “I Have a Date” which - definitely got played before or on my way to more than one high school date.

Life is too short not to have fun. Fun comes out of experiences. Old and new. And fun comes out of more than just memories. You have to keep making new ones.

It’s good to pull out some old ones. It’s good to make them part of your story. It’s good to sweat to some oldies, you know?

It’s my birthday today. This is 44. I won’t be alone on my birthday and yes, in the event I somehow end up at a Denny’s, I will tip(!). But, “for 24 hours you’re wishing me well” so, let’s go. Somebody tell Kalshi to get the betting odds up for how many times my wife will hear the song on repeat in the car before she says, “What are you doing? Enough!”

Thanks, as always, for being here and reading these silly little stories, rants, and music suggestions with me. I have big plans for this year. Birthday candle wishes don’t fail me now.

Ps. I should re-mention this because - I also quote this song in my head way too much (I wrote it about it before, here). No use saving it for my death day, you know?