Sunday Music: SZA, Watching The Crowd, And Friendship Music

Sitting in traffic, waiting to get into the parking lot, my wife and I were talking about how we both weren’t going to know a lot of the SZA songs at the concert. It’s a weird feeling, going to see a show and not really knowing a ton about one of the headliners. I was assuring my wife she’d recognize more than she thought, because - the streaming numbers, some of these songs have been inescapable, but also, I have a soft spot for some of them too, and they’ve been on around the house.

When you don’t know an artist, one of the best things you can do is look at who LOVES that artist. It’s sort of a, don’t look at the stage, look at the crowd first thing. Which is, a little counter-intuitive I realize, but it’s always been my approach when I feel like I don’t totally get something. I just want to ask, “If I don’t get this, who does?”

Now, it totally backfires too, or, I should say, I backfire when I forget to put that in reverse. Sometimes (OK, a lot of times) I’ll find myself entranced by something and totally oblivious of who the other fans are. The amount of times I’ve realized I am not the target demographic and have taken too long to realized just how far out of place I am with the other fans - oh hell, I’m proud of it. So what if I don’t do all the drugs, or shoot all of the guns, or have a teenage crush on my same-sex classmate. I relate to all sorts of things outside of my lived experience and that makes me a good fan, which, I’m proud of.

So we get into this stadium, Kendrick walks out to open it up, and I’m not surprised. I’ve already written about that (read it here). But then SZA joins him, because it’s a co-headlining tour, and I am amazed by 5 (ok, 6, but the 6th is an unrelated amazement) people.

My wife and I are primarily at the show because stadium tours are a spectacle and we want to see Kendrick. But, part of the spectacle, is when you’re around that many people, you have to watch them as much if not more than you watch the show, you know?

Here’s the thing about SZA. If you haven’t seen the SOS album cover and thought about it too deeply (Yeah, I’m that guy, I know), it looks like this:

You might remember the Princess Dianna picture she’s invoking.

Fame. Isolation. Vulnerable exposure - to the faceless, endless, and overwhelmingly present ocean of everything that’s all around you. That’s the obvious vibe. But, SZA added her shoes and a custom St. Louis Blues jersey to her version of the photo (she was born in St. Louis), as well as her up and out gaze.

When I listen to SZA songs, I hear the mix of pop influences, I admire the diary-style stream-of-consciousness lyrics, and I can half-relate or at least empathize with where she’s coming from. But, I’m not a super fan. In a stadium full of fans, those are the people I want to notice, those are the people I want to watch, because I know SZA is huge and I want to know WHO she is speaking to the strongest.

The first two people I notice, who LOVE SZA, spring to life when the music for “30 for 30” starts and she appears alongside Kendrick for her first appearance of the evening. It’s a perfect co-headliner duet moment and choice. There are two teenage girls in front of us and to the right. They were at, as we questioned when we first saw them, the “are your parents here or did they drop you off” age, but still, it was cool to see people care about art and be able to afford something like this, and as soon as SZA is on stage, we saw these girls go from having a good time to losing their damn minds. Bottle that energy up for me. Please.

“These are who loves SZA,” I thought. My wife and I saw phone apps for live recording or streaming or who knows what, that we’ve never seen before. We saw animated sing-a-longs between the two of them, always with phones up and in hand, always gesturing towards the stage like you would only see if you were in their 2-person friend circle. They knew every single word. My wife thought she maybe only ever loved Hanson that much (briefly, she admits, but also, adorable, right?). And, credit to these girls, but it’s a weird detail I also found myself appreciating, for two over-hyped teenage white girls, they could self-edit from saying the n-word in a way I sort of admired? Social awareness and deep engagement for the win.

Off to our left was a lone fan. She loved SZA too, but in a variation of a way. She was probably 30ish, black, average height, and was dressed for a night out. What made her stand out was how she wasn’t clearly there with anybody else. She was standing in an aisle seat next to a couple who were definitely there together, much like my wife and I, and hey, we didn’t bring any other friends, that would be a funny 3rd wheel choice, so I project they didn’t either.

This lady dead-stared that stage and sang every single word, with a sway, for every single SZA song, like it was a religious ceremony and she’d been in the choir for 25 of her 30 years on earth so far. She was way keyed in to every turn of phrase. She was also half-smiling through the whole thing, in some transcendent state of bliss, just gently two-stepping in place and singing along. I want a bottle of that too. Pure meditative joy.

Further to the left, right across the aisle, was one of the most entertaining friendship tropes that I’m sure you’ll recognize without seeing them, of the straight lady and her very gay friend. Straight lady was into it, and appropriately so for a probably 35ish year old, but very gay friend was as animated as the teenage girls which was fantastic. Part of me wanted to move the teenage girls to him or vice versa because they were so into it.

I don’t know what level of isolation or boy troubles or general life stuff the teenagers are experiencing, or the single swaying lady, or the Stanford/Carrie friendly couple across the aisle from us at the stadium. I don’t know what level of those emotions SZA felt when she wrote all of these songs either. But, because I’m in that crowd, I can see just how powerful every single one of those words, melodies, and chords are with these strangers.

“I don’t know if I can appreciate something more than seeing others react so strongly to artist I clearly get a fraction as much as they do,” I tell my wife. She agrees. SZA was kind of stealing the show that night, largely because of these fans.

And that’s why we’re there. That’s why you go to a stadium show. It reminds you how relatable life is when you bottleneck one detail and admit “I don’t get this, but wow, look at the effect it’s having on them.”

Music is amazing. Seeing it live, it’s a real reminder of the power of watching the crowd, and, maybe even at its best, for giving us a way to admire the love of others. Even when it’s all about isolation and heartache, even when we’re not in that headspace, it’s an empathy engine to experience it live.

I need to see more live shows. Maybe not just at stadiums (definitely not just at stadiums). But, when you see the people, and the faces, and the love, it’s not about who loves who so much as its a reminder of art helping us, and the strangers who aren’t us, express love in public. Concerts are a special medium. Humanity is going to be OK.

PS. Oh, and as for the 6th person I was amazed with, it was the dude sitting next to me. Yes, sitting. He did sing and dance and drink some beers and eat some nachos with his friends too, but then, two-thirds of the way through the concert, the 20-something bro sat in his seat, and fell asleep. Out cold. Not passed out drunk or too high (ok, maybe a little?), but conked out like the kid who falls asleep upright in class. Incredible.

I looked at him and hoped and prayed I could sleep that well when we would eventually get home a few hours later. Every concert has that guy too.

PSS. SUNDAY MUSIC, I know.

This is such a good song. The bug imagery… this is where I understand (I was obsessed with To Pimp a Butterfly after all, and I grew up on Doodlebug verses via Digable Planets, but - this bug take is weird, I’m just saying).

I am also out of place wanting to sing along to this one in my car, but, I don’t care what you think. Where my concert friends at when I need them…

Still my favorite SZA song, even if she didn’t play it. Another category I am not but overlap with for odd reasons: stoners. The Nachos + Narcos thing, I would just do that, so, yeah.