Autocorrect History, Ducks, And Anatomically Assigned Smoothies

The one time I wanted my iPhone to say “ducks” it didn’t.

I was trying to text a picture to my wife while I was on an early morning walk.

I came across a group of baby ducks snuggled up with their mom by the river.

I pulled my phone out and snapped a picture, with the sun rising off to my side, and thought I said, “Look at these ducks - aren’t they the sweetest?”

But my phone didn’t think I said that.

Did you know the iPhone autocorrect feature was built NOT to swear?

Not because they were a bunch of prudes or something either.

Apparently, when they were experimenting with the original version of autocorrect when typing on glass, the most common corrected-for terms turned into swears and racist dribble.

This was NOT good.

Imagine the texts to your kids pre-school or something going awry.

We would have had next-level cancel culture, they couldn’t be responsible for that.

So, product lead Ken Kocienda, had to figure out how to deliberately steer around those words.

The result was - every time you wanted to say “f***” your iPhone changed it to “duck.”

It’s just an artifact of a broader solution.

An abundance of caution to make sure you went back to edit in what you really wanted, IF you really, really wanted it.

As if that could kill all the unintended consequences.

The universe knows no such limitation.

99.999% of the time my phone followed this rule.

00.0001% of the time it did what it did that day with the ducks.

Which isn’t even the best part.

The text I ultimately sent was, “Look at these f***s - are not they smoothie tits?”

Now, I was walking and it was a hazy sunrise, and who knows - but.

Smoothie tits.

That’s not autocorrect. That’s ducking art right there. Poetry.

To this date, my wife hasn’t cancelled me, despite technology’s best attempts.

Technology is always warping our intentions.

Expect it. Also, laugh at it, when appropriate.

The most deliberate actions still have unintended consequences, and sometimes they can be beautiful.

Other times, they can be smoothie tits.