For years, I've been connecting with interesting people and documenting insights that might help my clients and myself. What was once private is now (mostly) public.

People often ask: "How do you know all these people?" and "How do you connect these (re: random) ideas?" The answer is simple: consistent relationship cultivation and thoughtful note taking. My north star is trusting my instincts, my maps are the constellations in these reflections.

This approach to multidisciplinary networking has helped dozens of clients, colleagues, and friends strengthen their networks and unlock new opportunities. Find my Personal Archive on CultishCreative.com, watch me build a better Personal Network on the Cultish Creative YouTube channel, and listen to Just Press Record on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and follow me on social media (LinkedIn and X) - now distributed by Epsilon Theory.

You can also check out my work as Managing Director at Sunpointe, as a host on top investment YouTube channel Excess Returns, and as Senior Editor at Perscient.

Feel free to steal these ideas directly - that's what they're for! I can't promise you'll learn FROM me, but I guarantee you can learn something WITH me. Let's go. Count it off: 1-2-3-4!

Introducing... Nate Bagley!

Do you know Nate Bagley? He's the head of content for Nectar, a recognition and rewards software company, but that barely scratches the surface of his fascinating career journey.

If not, allow me to introduce you. Nate spent a decade researching what makes relationships work, interviewing couples across the country to understand the secrets of lasting love. He even hosted events for 3,000 people featuring marriage research legends John and Julie Gottman. I wanted to connect with him because he embodies something I value deeply: the courage to turn personal frustration into purposeful research that helps others.

Our conversation is LIVE now on the Just Press Record YouTube channel (and this Cultish Creative Playlist). Listen and you'll hear how relationship science applies directly to workplace culture, the magic ratio for positive interactions, and why growth requires getting comfortable with discomfort.

THREE: That's The Magic Number of Lessons

In the meantime, I wanted to pull THREE KEY LESSONS from my time with Nate Bagley to share with you (and drop into my Personal Archive).

Read on and you'll find a quote with a lesson and a reflection you can Take to work with you, Bring home with you, and Leave behind with your legacy.

WORK: The Growth Mindset Marriage (And Career) Saver

Key Concept: Nate describes how many relationships (and workplace dynamics) operate on "leftovers" - avoiding difficult conversations and challenging situations. But real growth happens when you lean into discomfort rather than avoiding it. The same principle applies to workplace feedback, team conflicts, and career development. The problems you encounter aren't bugs - they're features that help you grow.

Personal Archive Note-To-Self: My wife asked me if I wanted to go and my face must have reflected the external look of my internal groan. The truth is, most of the time, outside of work, I’m tired, and just want to hang out with my wife and the dogs on the couch, and chill. But then something comes up like taking a trip to Mass to see friends and hit a fair. And I start thinking about the car time, and the hotel, and the long list of logistical hassles that feel necessary but joyless.

There’s a theme here. It’s the execute-details versus experience-details. We did the trip and I can look back on it this week with Nate’s framing. Regular downtime is regular downtime. Those are leftovers. On the average Wednesday, they are literally whatever part of me is left over.

But when I commit to the drive, which means time in the car chatting, and then seeing friends, hanging out and eating food, stopping at all the stops that even partially on the way on the way home - the memories stack up. Big time. And good memories. Memories I will never make if I’m only on leftover patrol.

So when my wife asks if we are going this year - the answer is yes. If the balance of execute-details is dwarfed by experience-details - the answer is yes.

Now, there are scenarios where the logistics make the experience impossible (sorry wifey, I can’t get us to the moon for dinner). But, having an experience focused framework to nest these decisions in is crucial.

Work question for you: What "leftovers zone" are you operating in at work - what difficult conversations or challenging projects are you avoiding that might actually lead to growth?

LIFE: The Magic Ratio That Changes Everything

Key Concept: This "magic ratio" from Gottman research reveals something profound about human relationships. We need far more positive interactions than negative ones to thrive. Nate applies this beyond marriage - it shows up in parenting, friendships, and yes, workplace dynamics. The couples most likely to divorce had roughly a one-to-one ratio. The lesson? Actively look for and acknowledge the good, don't just focus on fixing problems.

Personal Archive Note-To-Self: My wife and I often talk about how lousy some of our prior relationships were and how that gives a sense of appreciation to our marriage that grounds us both. The magic ratio here, of 20 positive interactions to 1 negative in good times - I don’t think I ever experienced that before?

I’m pretty sure I lived 5 to 1, at best, during the best of the good times and -20 to 1 the rest of the time.

To hear Nate explaining the 5 positive to 1 negative during conflict stat, it really hit home this time. I don’t consciously keep score over these with my wife like it’s an Eagles vs. Cowboys game, but my intuition says - that 5 to 1 ratio is pretty much right where we are (even when the Eagles are beating the Cowboys).

Having the ratios right with my wife required we both lived through our own crap. It requires that we’ve taken the time to share the “wow, that sucked when…” stories with each other. It’s having a depth of prior and even some shared experiences, coupled with proof of personal growth and our mutual growth together, so we can reference it as proof, especially when stuff is sucking, that getting through this never feels impossible.

The secret to long-lasting anything is repair. This ratio champions that reality. I never want to forget that. (ps. instead of saying “go birds” here and having to come up with 5 nice things, I’ll stick with our mutually agreed upon baseball team of choice and say, GO PHILS).

Life Question For You: How intentional are you about creating positive interactions in your relationships, and what would change if you actively aimed for that 5:1 or 20:1 ratio?

LEGACY: Learning to Be Comfortable in the Mess

Key Concept: Nate's vulnerability about his struggle with perfectionism and the need to "do more and be more" resonates deeply. The legacy wisdom here is learning that life is inherently messy, and our peace comes not from controlling everything but from accepting the mess as part of the human experience. This applies to parenting, leadership, and personal growth - sometimes the best thing you can do is stop trying to fix everything.

Personal Archive Note-To-Self: At any given moment in the week you can find me: in over my head, drowning in owed responses, itching to get after some creative thread I’ve just dreamt up, overly-excited about a new project, and desperately trying to take a few deep breaths as I walk out of my office because I realize it’s time to be present again.

Breakneck is a word I don’t use lightly to describe it. But also, breakneck is kind of the speed I usually move at. It’s not just the intensity by which I move, it’s the transitions I’ve had to really practice at.

Because I don’t have to break a neck as I move from work-mode to chill-mode. More importantly, I don’t want to break any other necks in that transition either. Sometimes I do this more gracefully than others. My energy doesn’t exist in a vacuum. I had to learn this, and that means I had to listen to feedback about it.

When you are trying to be perfect, you are trying to exceed being good enough. It’s a lot. A lot to put on yourself and a lot to subject others to. Sometimes, in the pursuit, you can get unreasonable. That’s unhealthy, and, I’m learning this lesson still - much like Nate described it too.

My mess is in my transitions. I don’t think I can stick the proverbial landing in a perfectly clean way here. But I do think I can be aware of what mode I’m landing on - being present in moments I know matter - and not forget that’s my (very imperfect, and very important) goal.

Legacy question for you: What "mess" in your life are you trying to control that you might need to simply accept as part of being human?

BEFORE YOU GO: Be sure to…

• Connect with Nate Bagley on LinkedIn

• Check out his relationship research at GrowthMarriage.com

• Watch his content on The Growth Marriage YouTube

• Explore Nectar's YouTube channel for workplace culture content

• Take a moment to reflect on all these ideas!

You have a Personal Network and a Personal Archive just waiting for you to build them up stronger. Look at your work, look at your life, and look at your legacy - and then, start small in each category. Today it's one person and one reflection. Tomorrow? Who knows what connections you'll create.

Last thing: Don't forget to click reply/click here and tell me who you're adding to your network and why! Plus, if you already have your own Personal Archive too, let me know, I'm creating a database.