There was a moment in the Mat Cashman Intentional Investor interview where he talked about the moment when his firm went bust, literally live and in front of his eyes, and he handed over his device and walked off a trading floor.
It’s nothing sort of cinematic. Especially in the way he tells it.
But it’s also deeply philosophical to hear him reflect on. Because after he walked off the trading floor that day, he never went back to trading. It was a full identity break, triggered in a moment.
This quote is sticking with me:
"In some ways it’s the ultimate admitting of defeat. And so I had to retool my own ego, right? Because... all of the previous failures... they can just be kind of like, 'Oh, well, yeah, those kind of things happen,' but, 'I'm gonna knock the cover off the ball this next time,' right? And this was more of like, 'I'm not gonna swing the bat anymore.' And so that's a different vibe, and you gotta... clean the mirror a little in a different way."
On one hand, he knows it’s a defeat because it put a prior ambition into a conclusive ending without a win attached to it.
I feel the weight of this definition.
But on the other hand there’s the different vibe, as he put it, where it’s an opening to the awareness that the chapter was done. The event was conclusive and the outcome, despite hurting in the instant, didn’t actually matter.
The loss wasn’t inspiring to try again.
And that’s ok.
It doesn’t show up often in life. Which is probably a good thing. But sometimes you lose and you realize it’s a signifier or you don’t need to play that game anymore.
I’ll be rolling this around in my head for a while longer.
Life ebbs and flows. Games exist. Win some, lose some, and play again vs. walk away are all equally viable.
