There’s a concept in behavioral psychology called loss aversion. It’s tied to negativity bias. It’s the whole idea of how we remember bad experiences so vividly and that pain often looms larger than any gain in our lives.

We humans are hardwired for this.

It’s not good or bad, it’s just a thing that’s helpful to understand.

Especially in our modern environment when the world is so small, thanks to the internet and social media and now AI, and our brains just aren’t evolved to handle it in healthy ways.

Trevor Noah has a wonderful sub-series on his podcast where he introduces his favorite people. I’ve started seeking out these episodes because - he has good taste in friends.

In Joe Opio’s episode, which might be one of my new all-time favorites, they get into a story about how one time, towards the beginning of Trevor hosting The Daily Show ad Joe writing for it, people were saying awful stuff about him.

The show ratings were in the toilet because John Stewart had just left, the fans were upset and writing in criticisms and takes, and Trevor was understandably spiraling about whether or not it would work out.

Trevor and Joe were walking down the street, with Trevor openly venting about everything that was going wrong, when a car pulled up beside them and a woman yelled over about how much she loved the show.

And this is why Joe Opio is the best.

“Trevor - there was a woman in a BMW drop top screaming that she loves your show. No one paid her. No one asked her to be here. She just told you this to your face, but you’re going to listen to the internet.”

Sometimes we need someone to snap us out of it. Sometimes we need a perspective shift. Not that Trevor didn’t fight it, because he did, so Joe continued.

“But Trevor - you have 200 people who come into the studio every day to watch your live show. People are turned away. The studio audience people, they’re not turned away, and they’re the 200 minimum people who come every day to watch you do a show. Why are you worried about one blogger? Why are you worried about one voice on the internet?”

Our brains are not wired to do this. Our brains are wired to deal with the pain, or the chaos, or the life (or ego) threatening disaster as we perceive it, not if or as it actually matters in any way.

It’s almost not fair, but that’s why everybody needs a friend like Joe Opio.

I don’t think the need for these reminders go away.

I don’t think we can just overcome our hardwiring. But having friends help do it for us makes all the difference, and doing it for our friends works too.

Listen less to the strangers on the internet and pay more attention to the positive voices in your life.

That’s where the signal is.

ps. because Joe Opio has this gift in general, apparently, there’s also this amazing story about the time Leslie Jones was all down on some internet scandal and Joe told her, “You’re opening in one of the biggest movies, and you’ve made it, finally, in this hard world, and now you’re fighting online with people? If I were Leslie Jones I’d go, these tweets are upsetting me so much I’m going to go hang out with Tom Cruise right now.” Get that perspective wherever you can, as often as you need it.