For years, I've been connecting with interesting people and documenting insights that might help my clients and myself. What was once private is now (mostly) public.

People often ask: "How do you know all these people?" and "How do you connect these (re: random) ideas?" The answer is simple: consistent relationship cultivation and thoughtful note taking. My north star is trusting my instincts, my maps are the constellations in these reflections.

This approach to multidisciplinary networking has helped dozens of clients, colleagues, and friends strengthen their networks and unlock new opportunities. Find my Personal Archive on CultishCreative.com, watch me build a better Personal Network on the Cultish Creative YouTube channel, and listen to Just Press Record on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and follow me on social media (LinkedIn and X) - now distributed by Epsilon Theory.

You can also check out my work as Managing Director at Sunpointe, as a host on top investment YouTube channel Excess Returns, and as Senior Editor at Perscient.

Feel free to steal these ideas directly - that's what they're for! I can't promise you'll learn FROM me, but I guarantee you can learn something WITH me. Let's go. Count it off: 1-2-3-4!

Introducing... John Stoj!

Do you know John Stoj? He's a flat-fee RIA who survived Wall Street's mortgage-backed securities trenches, ran a sushi business during the financial crisis, and emerged as one of the most grounded financial advisors I know.

If not, allow me to introduce you. John spent 15 years navigating everything from Nomura's trading desk to CDO management (with timing that was spectacularly unfortunate) before building Verbatim Financial. I wanted to connect with him because he embodies something I value deeply: the wisdom that comes from learning what you can't do through actually trying and failing at it.

Our conversation is LIVE now on the Epsilon Theory YouTube channel (and this Cultish Creative Playlist). Listen and you'll hear how childhood bullying built resilience, why getting fired twice taught him humility, and how a boss who asked relentless questions saved him from the massive fraud he couldn't see coming.

THREE: That's The Magic Number of Lessons

In the meantime, I wanted to pull THREE KEY LESSONS from my time with John Stoj to share with you (and drop into my Personal Archive).

Read on and you'll find a quote with a lesson and a reflection you can Take to work with you, Bring home with you, and Leave behind with your legacy.

WORK: The Questions That Save You

Key Concept: The best managers and mentors aren't the ones who have all the answers - they're the ones who force you to confront the questions you don't want to ask. John's boss at ING didn't just approve investments; he made the team build models from scratch and imagine worst-case scenarios that seemed impossible at the time. That "annoying" habit of questioning everything wasn't doubt - it was intellectual rigor that protected them when the unthinkable became reality.

Personal Archive Note-To-Self: Everybody who tells you what to do and what to think is (at least partially) lying. I had this boss in my very brief stint in banking who would go from telling me I was the top performing associate in the office and how I was helping to carry the entire branch’s productivity and goals, only to then point out I had been 4 minutes late that morning.

But here's what I learned from that experience (with a metaphor): the world is full of forests. These forests are made of trees. Some people figure out how to get through the woods, others become miserable bank center managers. Figuring out what matters is about figuring out what questions will guide you down a path you want to go down. You’re better for exploring it. You don’t always know until you’re looking back.

John’s manager who forced these questions into their conversations was doing him an incredible service. The guy didn’t even have to be right in the moment, he just had to plant the seed for what the process needed to look like. That way, when later, when the crisis had arrived, the questions could grow into a tree, and John - a kid playing in the woods - could figure out another way through for himself.

Work question for you: Who in your professional life asks you the uncomfortable questions that make you dig deeper, and how can you cultivate that same discipline of productive skepticism?

LIFE: The Thick Skin Paradox

Key Concept: Life's adversities aren't things we'd wish on anyone, but they become the foundation for resilience we couldn't build any other way. John transformed childhood teasing about his name into a badge of honor, learning early that words can hurt but they can't destroy you. This early lesson in weathering storms prepared him for the much larger challenges of career setbacks and business failures that would come later.

Personal Archive Note-To-Self: It's so weird how a nickname can either make you stand out and feel apart from your community, or make you stand out while fitting you exactly into your place within it. There’s a lot of tough skin to earn and learn along the way. And I think you have to get it the hard way.

My “good” nickname was always some version of Ziggy/Zigs. My “bad” nickname was (anybody but my parents and grandparents) calling me Matty. I’ve often wondered what that is. Kind of like the Groucho Marx thing about refusing to join any club that would have you as a member - why Zigs is fine but Matty is a red flag.

Maybe I grew up around too many Matt’s. In grade school you needed a way to differentiate and not that Zeigler was hard to say, but - kids make stuff fun. I wasn’t the least bit surprised when it organically appeared in college.

But then there were the Matty people. Is it odd that nobody good, outside of family, has ever tried that on me? I always thought it was some kind of bro-culture I missed out on (people who didn’t understand the Richmeister character on Saturday Night Live maybe). They were using it to fit me into their community and I could tell something was off.

No matter what you get called though, you know how being called it makes you feel. Like Stoj Boj, I get it. We get uncomfortable in our skin before we get comfortable in it, and that progression is worth something.

Life Question For You: How can you reframe past difficulties not as traumas to overcome, but as training that prepared you for the challenges you're facing now?

LEGACY: The Wisdom of Knowing What You Can't Do

Key Concept: True expertise isn't just knowing what you're good at - it's having the hard-earned wisdom of understanding your limitations. John's journey from believing he could pick winners to embracing index investing wasn't a step backward; it was the culmination of decades of experience teaching him the difference between skill and luck. This humility becomes the foundation for building something sustainable rather than spectacular.

Personal Archive Note-To-Self: I don’t know if I can reduce it to “If you haven’t failed, you haven’t learned yet” but I want to. I want to combine it with how hardship is a teacher. Or maybe even how conflict builds community.

All of it relates back. The bosses who don’t teach you what to think but how to think. The bad nicknames turning into a good identity. The failures turning into lessons. It’s my favorite Cannonball Adderley quote/intro,

“You know, sometimes we’re not prepared for adversity. When it happens sometimes, we’re caught short. We don’t know exactly how to handle it when it comes up. Sometimes, we don’t know just what to do when adversity takes over. And I have advice for all of us, I got it from my pianist Joe Zawinul who wrote this tune. And it sounds like what you’re supposed to say when you have that kind of problem. It’s called Mercy, Mercy, Mercy.”

The skills or abilities might turn out to be luck in disguise. But, in the moment, we have to have mercy. We have to have grace. We have to acknowledge it. It’s the only path forward.

Legacy question for you: What skills or abilities do you think you have that might actually be luck in disguise, and how would acknowledging that change your approach?

BEFORE YOU GO: Be sure to…

• Connect with John Stoj on twitter and LinkedIn

• Check out Verbatim Financial at verbatimfinancial.com

• Take a moment to reflect on all these ideas!

You have a Personal Network and a Personal Archive just waiting for you to build them up stronger. Look at your work, look at your life, and look at your legacy - and then, start small in each category. Today it's one person and one reflection. Tomorrow? Who knows what connections you'll create.

Last thing: Don't forget to click reply/click here and tell me who you're adding to your network and why! Plus, if you already have your own Personal Archive too, let me know, I'm creating a database.